The Faith They See

I had a consistent Panera habit years ago when my son, Thomas, was two. Every so often, I’d drive through with Tom in the back and order the same cookie for him and coffee for me. A few months into this ritual, as I pulled up to the familiar speaker and opened my mouth to place the order, I heard my son’s small voice in the back, “Hi there! May I please have a black hazelnut coffee and a shortbread cookie?”

He nailed it. Two years old and he not only recited the item names correctly, but in my exact, routine inflection. I cracked up at hearing what registered as a recording of myself coming from the back seat. Twelve years later, it’s all the more amusing to me, as this child has more than a few traits he got directly from his mom, having caught mindsets and behaviors that I didn’t even realize I demonstrated.

The phrase “parents as primary educators” comes to mind every time I catch my kids doing something just like my husband or me. The idea seems simple enough: the role of educator is inherent to parenthood—and not just any educator… the first.

From the initial moments of life, children are forever assuming their parents’ attitudes and approaches to life. I read and have witnessed that even from within the womb, a child learns his mother’s vocal inflection and mimics it back to her in his newborn cries. Kids tend to take on their parents’ passions and pursuits and, assuredly, their personalities.

It’s not hard to trace my qualities and values back to one or both of my parents. I have my mother’s spontaneity and father’s pragmatism. While I certainly learned life lessons more formally in conversation at the kitchen table, most of the principles I learned from them were in our daily exchanges. No planning involved—just action and audience. They had my full attention whether they knew it or not.

The bottom line is that as parents, we’re the first place our children look for how to approach work and play and, most importantly, faith. Though many of us supplement our children’s catechetical instruction with religious education or Catholic schools, the example that takes hold is our own. And not only that; their experiences of us inform their understanding of God, a phenomenon that many of us spiritually wrestle with into adulthood. We must authentically demonstrate the faith at home in order to foster the seeds that are planted in environments outside the home.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God” (CCC, no. 2226). It’s a huge responsibility, yes, but also an incredible privilege—God placed us with our children by His perfect wisdom.

Pope St. John Paul II said, “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” These days, it’s both wise and exhausting to race against the culture to be the first source of information. From faith to sexuality to any other information short enough to fit on a meme, children are bombarded with it as early as toddlerhood.

We succeed by cultivating a connection of love and ease with our children, who will always have questions as they grow. When faced with a charge too daunting, I fall into thinking that I must do it on my own; but God’s grace is enough, and He is ever ready to give me more when I ask.

Tom’s back seat echo was never about coffee and cookies. Scripture tells parents to teach God’s ways to their children in the most ordinary moments—sitting at home, walking along the road, lying down, rising up (Dt 6:7). Every drive-through order, every unscripted moment, is quietly forming our children’s hearts. Take courage: we don’t have to be perfect, just present—yes, to our children, but even more so to the Lord, who will uphold us to love well as parents.